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Beijing BollocksRandom rants about China, politics and football; plus stuff about monkeys
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Pompey WankersThat's all I want to say on the subject. Why Did I Stop Blogging?I think the most important reason is the fact I could not write a blog on my laptop and post it, with pictures, while I was travelling. All because I have an Apple laptop which does not let you post. As I spend about half my time on the road and busy beyond exhaustion, the idea of blogging in my free time was not particularly appealing unless I could post easily, without fuss. But transfering out-of-date musings from laptop via disk only to post on my home desktop hardly sees worth the bother. Now I have two weeks off, it's easy. Waiting for a HeadlineI fell in love with this song by the Devlins after I watched (my all-time favourite TV programme) Six Feet Under for the first time.
It's a bit like There She Goes by the La Las, by which I mean it's one of those songs with a hook so hypnotic that I can hear it over and over and yet never tire of listening. I admit it's also maybe because I have this odd thing about the GED guitar chords because they are the only ones I could once strum pretty well.
Stuff to readThe campaign that changed the eating habits of a nationBoycott of battery chickens forces supermarkets to think ethically http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/news/the-campaign-that-changed-the-eating-habits-of-a-nation-788557.htmlJagger a 'power freak', fellow Stone Richards sayshttp://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5geebb7PuWZ51f_DdrZOC2CBGDmkQ Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger is a "power freak" who is also a "bit vain", bandmate Keith Richards said in an interview set to be published Thursday. In the interview, he also belittled Led Zeppelin's December one-off reunion gig, telling Uncut: "They had one? Well, well done Jimmy (Page) and Robert (Plant). F**k off. Stairway To Heaven don't make it for me, baby." A Day In The Life: The Beatleshttp://www.rollingstone.com/photos/gallery/18410707/a_day_in_the_life_the_beatles
An Olympian construction: Beijing's new departure in air travelEar, Nose and Throat
So it's been a few days back now and when I woke up just a few minutes ago I found my ears, nose and throat were all blocked with various muci (mucuses?). I can already feel myself losing my smell, taste and hearing. I find I miss home. I miss looking at my Beijing wife smiling in the blue sky. But apparently, I am wrong to think this way. Ian sent me a superb rebuttal of complaints in the foreign media about "so-called" pollution in the Olympic city: At the 1904 St. Louis Olympics in the USA, 32 athletes participated in the marathon but only 14 of them completed the whole route, making their way through the dusty streets full of cars and carts. William Garcia, a US athlete, collapsed and almost died 13 kilometers from the finish line because he had breathed in too much dusty air. So there. Quit whining. Everything's fine. Argyle Make It Four Wins in a RowSturrock Hails Unfashionable Argyle
Back to Beijing This city is so damn grey. Miss my Beijing girl. She'd add a bit of colour to this place I now call home. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Boy, it's cold. I woke up coughing last night. Maybe it's just my room, which often fills with smoke from the downstairs restaurant. Or maybe it's the pollution, which often fills Beijing with smog. Either way, I know I can expect my annual bout of tonsilitis any day soon. A day trip to Inverness Jiao Pei and I spent £20 each on a day trip to Inverness to see Hector and his wife Anj and family. It seemed like a bit too short, but I just knew we would never do it unless we did it, if you see what I mean. Hector and Anj and Michael and Grace and her friend Andrea were patiently waiting for us at Inverness train station and then we all walked up the gentle hill to his home on a glorious sunny winter day. The kids immediately set about the trampolene as poor Anj was told we were vegetarian and Hector produced some hot instant coffee in friendly mugs. We just wanted to stay outside and bounce around with the kids. I must admit I don't think I want children, but this trip back to the UK I really have enjoyed seeing lots of children at frequent occasions. They really liven a place up and add that refreshing element of chaos that every social function needs.
The air tasted fresh, really fresh. The breeze had felt healthy blowing on your cheeks as we tromped up the quiet hill to the semi-detached home where Hector and Anj are building a nice life for their children. If truth be told, both of them would quite like to be in the big city breaking big stories and making a bit of a name for themselves. But be careful what you wish for. As far as I can tell, they have an ideallic spot to raise a family and Hector has an ideal job pottering around as the local newspaper editor. He realizes this, of course. But grass is always greener etc...
  Hector drove us to Loch Ness, which was an unexpected bonus as I didn't even know Loch Ness was near Inverness. Come to think of it, there's a lot of "ness"s in Scotland and I asked Jiao Pei's Scottish flatmate what it meant and she claimed it meant "loch". Which means Loch Ness would mean "Loch Loch" which would be a very disappointing meaning for such a spiritual location. Jiao Pei and Hector and I wandered up the beach and I skimmed a few stones. The light was perfect for photography, gentle golden beams washing all over the place and challenging you to NOT take a good photo. I suceeded, but Jiao Pei and Hector caught a few corkers.
Then back to home for family meal involving "crown cake" and Peking duck which of course delighted the Beijinger next to me. A bit more chatting then back on the 4-hour train to Edinburgh. The next morning, I don't know why-perhaps it was the fresh air-I felt knackered. It reminded me of the march a bit. A lot to take in in one day when you compare it to your everyday life. Plenty of new stimuli.
I'm resolved to read more of Hector's stuff online because it turns out he and I have a great deal in common, professionally and personally. I get the feeling we'll see more of each other in the future, although it's not always easy to see what the future brings.
Satisfying sex scandal There, there...
If you've watched a lot of mainland Chinese TV, and God knows I've watched a lot, then this Edison Chen sex scandal is not quite as dull as it sounds. It's almost payback for all the irritating dirge I have been forced to sit through while my wife scans through the channels.
For I think I actually recognise some of the stars involved from their persistent, irritating appearances on mainland TV pretending to be Disney characters. In particular, I am sure I can recall watching Gillian Chung. I'm not sure, mind, as all these female stars promote themselves on mainland TV as kind of pre-teen 6-year olds sucking on lollipops and giggling about "boys". They speak in "whoops I did a boo boo" voices and peddle such utterly soul-less, contrived pop songs that you really wonder what is wrong with Chinese people that they can even tolerate these people, let alone regard them as genuine celebrities.
Personally, I think there should be a clear line drawn between those stars who sell themselves as pubescent teen dolls and those who have only ever pretended to be pop stars. I realise that they are all just pretty faces, that none of them can write their own music or properly sing etc...but if they are writhing around as sex objects on TV, then leave them alone. It's not our business. If they are pretending to be virgins and act shocked if you mentioned the word "cock" in adult conversation, then I say perhaps this picture scandal is not such a tragic invasion of their privacy.
To be fair to these pretty ladies, some of them may actually be quite innocent in the sense that they have been told by PR people to behave this way and act that way if they want to have a successfull career and sell records etc. Perhaps Ms. Gillian Chung (Cheung? Chang?) ironically, really is the victim of a system that churns out fake talent, then spits them out when they are no longer cute.
But I for one was delighted to be able to justify my voyeurism by pointing out she had been lecturing teens about the evils of pre-marital sex while apparently conducting a raunchy affair with an over-sexed B movie actor.;)
If the purported Maggie Q sex tape does exist and was circulated, then this very Chinese affair might well go global.
Houston, we have a problem quote
"Romeo, Romeo... Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" This line is usually used in the wrong sense: people often believe that Juliet is asking where Romeo is, but actually she is asking why his name is Romeo, lamenting that he is thus a Montague from a rival clan. But at least it's accurate. I'm constantly spouting cliches like this. I churn out little crap quotes I think are cute and it's only when I get stopped by the missus and asked to explain that I ever really stop to think about them. Her irritating questions very recently destroyed my world of constants. My innocence has been lost as regards the quotations business. Recently I muttered "Lead on Macduff!" to her and then I explained to my non-native wife that about 90 percent of all my bollocks actually originates with who else? Shakespeare. You see, I'm not some buffoon babbling bollocks for the sake of it.
No, I'm an educated man really and it's all lifted from Hamlet or Macbeth, so that's all right then.
Alas, poor me.
"Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well."
"Lead on, Macduff"
Or, er,
But at least I know my politics... "Religion is the opiate of the masses." - Karl Marx
The end justifies the means.
Bugger. Is nothing sacred? Must I go on? I fear you doth protest too much... "Methinks the lady doth protest too much"
"If you build it, they will come"
If you're a native speaker like me, then you might be a bit surprised how much you're constantly misquoting. It's not just "One small step for man!" "Play it again, Sam" and "Beam me up, Scotty". There's many more things we say wrong that you might never have imagined. Most of them from Shakespeare and Churchill as far as I can tell. If you're a non-native speaker studying English, then I strongly suggest you read this list because it contains practically every phrase and idiom your foreign friend uses in regular conversation and you didn't understand what he was talking about. http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/List_of_misquotations "Houston, we have a problem"
Less than zero At first, when I started this blog two days ago, I was really struggling to see the point. I didn't really understand why I was writing one at all for zero pay or whether I even cared if anyone read it or not. I think I just saw it as maybe a useful outlet for various guff and story ideas I might return to later.
I couldn't see what would make anyone want to read anyone else's blog. I can hardly be bothered to read my own, let alone other people talking about their tedious lives. It seems you need to have something unique, like being Edison Chen or a porn star or a moron or writing about celebrities or something. Add those sites are REALLY dull. Take it from me. I read them all the time.
But now I've found my edge. My blog is totally unique on the web.
Here's why. Check it out: Beijing Bollocks -- Site Summary --- Visits Total ............................ 3 Average per Day .................. - Average Visit Length ............. - This Week ........................ 0 Page Views Total ........................... 4 Average per Day .................. - Average per Visit ................ - This Week ........................ 0 --- Visits this Week --- Day Hour 2/4 2/5 2/6 2/7 2/8 2/9 2/10 Total ---- ----- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------- 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 7 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 8 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 10 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 11 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 12 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 13 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 14 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 15 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 16 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 17 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 18 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 19 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 20 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 21 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 22 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 23 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 24 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------- 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 --- Page Views this Week --- Day Hour 2/4 2/5 2/6 2/7 2/8 2/9 2/10 Total ---- ----- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------- 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 7 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 8 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 10 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 11 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 12 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 13 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 14 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 15 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 16 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 17 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 18 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 19 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 20 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 21 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 22 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 23 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 24 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------- 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Look out Daily Koz, EastWestNorthSuth dude, Huffington Post, here I come. Those stats above are what makes my blog special. So to all of you, keep reading and thanks for your support. One of the best football weekends I will ever have First off, there he was Ian "bog gob" Holloway, the man who had said how much he loved it at Argyle, that he bled green and that he was never ever leaving us ... only to depart ONE WEEK later for gobs of cash and then have the gall a few weeks later to try and nick all our best players.
There he sat, miserable as my wildest dreams did not dare predict, watching his dismal new team losing on live television (I watched in an Edinburgh pub) to the team he dumped for "ambition", a certain playoff-chasing Plymouth Argyle, about ten places higher than his new club Leicester. You might feel sorry for him, but he never needed to volunteer all those "I'm not ever leaving Argyle" statements when pressed about Leicester. A simple "no comment" would have sufficed.
Instead, he chose cash over loyalty and it now looks like the mutton head might pay the price of his betrayal. Probably not...to be fair, this was revenge enough for me. Let him get on with it now at Leicester and let bygones be bygones. Let's all move on, now. But it was sweet. Jiao Pei was forced to celebrate with me and so we had Japanese at a nice Edinburgh restaurant near her home entirely staffed with Chinese...
After the RIDICULOUS idea of playing Premiership games on foreign grounds, it was nice to see Manchester United lose at home to Manchester City. I wonder if Ed and Tom watched together. It seemed comforting, somehow, to see that money doesn't always ruin every inch of the beautiful game. It can still surprise you, just for a second or two. I think the best response to the foreign pitcch scheme came underneath Sean Ingle's article
I apologise for any offence caused but
What a fuckin' stupid lame-brained cock-eyed fuckwitted idea! That seemed the most appropriately respectful response to this latest attempt to dismantle footy in the name of greed.
One final sad fact I should mention is I had a glance at the Guardian predictions board where I compete with Alan for leadership of our team:
Alan 183
Andy 178 Tom 95 Dan 55 Alan has extended THREE more points on me. Bugger. This is war. Probably because I predicted that Liverpool would win at Chelsea. Chelsea have not lost at home in the Premiership for four years...what a moron I am. Never mind. As long as Tom never catches up, I'll be happy.
Let's ban the term "spring festival"Another Chinese new year. It's funny how it works. I never really questioned it, but subconsciously I always found it a bit odd that my Chinese friends called it "spring festival" but I never really knew why. Sure, I knew the Communists banned fireworks, but that kind of made sense. I knew I hated the variety show, but I kind of think it's nice that everyone watches the same TV show once a year. I mean, back in Britan there's a lot of nostalgia for a simpler age where everyone watched the same Morecambe and Wise Christmas special or millions watched the same shite programmes like the Generation Game.
  British variety greats Morecambe and Wise, plus twinkletoes Bruce Forsyth.
Personally, with the exception of a visiting Sitao and Jia Ji's homes, I have always found the Chinese new year a bit lame. I know my western friends all regard it as a bit of a damp squib. They revived temple fairs in the last few years and the fireworks are back and I feel maybe what we are witnessing is a slow crawl back of Chinese culture from the vicious deletions of the Cultural Revolution. Slowly, quietly and without fuss, the mainland Chinese are claiming back their holiday. I think it might be helpful if I knew a bit more about what happens in Taiwan and London Soho and so on. Those traditions are surely all still out there. Perhaps the bananas can bring them back home.
Jiao Pei and I popped over to see Cui Ying, her Edinburgh pal, where we ate dumplings and chatted. I think this article I read today is kind of helpful in understanding what happened to Chinese new year, although maybe the tone will annoy a few people.
The idea of calling the Communists the Grinch, I have to say, seems very accurate and appealing to me.
  But it might seem a bit OTT to others, especially as it turns out the "democractic" Guomindang were the first to change the name to "spring festival". I bet "Chinese new year" is one of those words that China Daily censors are always changing and I never even noticed.
Blog 1I pinched this idea off my sister's blog www.whittereronautism.com
1) Answer the questions below For some reason, it's interesting leafing through random photos by ordinary people. Kind of a voyeuristic thrill. Age at next birthday
Place you’d like to travel
Your favourite place
Your favourite object
Your favourite food
Your favourite animal
Your favourite colour
Town in which you were born
Town in which you live
Name of your pet
First name of your love
Your nickname
Your middle name Your last name
A bad habit of yours
Your first job
Your grandmother’s name
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Invite as friend
